Parenting Pointers

Holidays can be an exciting as well as an emotional time for parents and children, especially after separation. The following are a few pointers for parents in planning for the holidays, from our Collaborative Child and Family Specialists:

Because each family’s needs and experiences are unique, there is no “one size fits all” when it comes to parenting arrangements over the holidays – be flexible and look at a variety of options – children themselves may have creative ideas
Sharing a special holiday in two homes on one day with extended family and/or new partners can be overwhelming, particularly for younger children – give your child time to adjust and cope with transitions and check in with your child to see if this is working for them
Holiday plans that work for young children may not work for older children – review parenting plans every few years, particularly on “milestone dates”, for example when a child reaches 5 years of age, and then again in 5 to 7 years. Make sure shared holidays meet the needs of the child and take into account the child’s wishes as well as the interests of parents and extended family
It’s important for parents to keep communication lines open and follow through with agreed-upon pick-up and drop-off times
Don’t try to recreate the holiday you had as an intact family – take the opportunity to invent a new holiday tradition with your children
Don’t compete with one another over holiday events
As children get older give them some input into the holiday arrangements –but make it clear they get a “voice”, not a “choice” – asking children where they prefer to spend a holiday may present loyalty conflicts
Separation triggers a range of emotions –the more conflict, and the higher emotions run between parents, the more important it is that a family work with a child and family specialist to ensure parenting plans, including holiday plans, are child-focused
Do not use holiday arrangements as a time to take revenge on the other parent – it is your child who will suffer
Holidays after a separation can be stressful for parents as well as children – when your child is with the other parent take time to relax and enjoy yourself – let your child know you’re going to be OK, so they don’t worry and feel guilty about spending time with the other parent