With collaboration, you decide which holidays are important

With Thanksgiving still fresh on our minds, we want to draw your attention to this article from the Pittsburg Post-Gazette about a family who decided to pursue a collaborative approach to their divorce because of the importance of this particular holiday. As we have mentioned in past blog articles, collaborative family law can be an ideal solution for families who want to have control over the outcome of items like holidays and parenting schedules.

No one should have the right to tell you which issues are more important than others in your separation or in your family. Just as this article illustrates, each family has their own traditions and should be given the opportunity to find a resolution that leaves both individuals feeling like they had a say in the outcome.

Kim Lyons from the Pittsburg Post-Gazette writes:

When Derek Smith and his now ex-wife, Jessica, were planning the terms of their divorce, they kept getting stuck on what seemed like a small detail, but one that was important to both of them: Thanksgiving.

“Thanksgiving is one of her family’s big holidays, and there was a feeling on her part that it should be her holiday with the kids,” Mr. Smith explained. Since her family is in Pennsylvania, but his is not, Mr. Smith said he wasn’t happy with the idea of entirely ceding Thanksgiving with the couple’s two children.

So the Smiths decided to try the collaborative approach to their divorce, using lawyers trained in the practice to reach a mutually beneficial outcome without litigation.

“When your lawyer is writing letters to her lawyer, saying, ‘My client wants this,’ and waiting for a response, that kind of thing can take months and months,” Mr. Smith said. He and his ex-wife wanted to avoid ending up in a courtroom “over what seemed like such a small thing.”

Collaborative divorce, the brainchild of Minnesota divorce lawyer Stuart G. Webb, has been in use since 1990. According to the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP), Mr. Webb was motivated to start the collaborative practice by an especially ugly divorce case.

… Paula Hopkins, a Downtown attorney trained in the practice, said even in the short time it has been in use in the Pittsburgh area, collaborative divorce has evolved. “It used to be an attorney-driven process, with two spouses each with their attorneys, and four of us sitting down,” Ms. Hopkins said.

But now it’s a much more interdisciplinary approach, she said, which can include mental health professionals, tax and business consultants and a coach, all trained in the collaborative process.

… Part of the appeal is the level of control it gives to the involved parties, Ms. Hopkins said. “The first meeting we have, we sit down and each person talks about why they chose the process,” she said. “We give clients a clear picture of what to expect, and we try to avoid using legalese and speak in plain English.”

Renee Vandall of Mount Washington said her impression of what divorce could be — a costly, acrimonious process — motivated her to explore the collaborative approach. “For me, my absolute number one concern was my son,” she said. “I wanted to dissolve the marriage with as much kindness and dignity as possible.”

Ms. Vandall said her collaborative divorce included attorneys walking each party through the process, making sure everyone was on the same page and outlining goals.

“I didn’t feel, and I don’t believe he did, either, that we were ever pitted against each other,” she said. “I don’t know if we would have been able to say that if we had gone through litigation.”

– Read the entire Pittsburg Post-Gazette article.

Would you like to learn more about how collaborative family law works? Please visit What is Collaborative Practice for an easy-to-understand explanation of the process. You’re also welcome to use our search tool to find a collaborative professional near you.

If you’re interested in learning about how to get involved as a collaborative professional, take a look at our membership options.