Ask a Collaborative Professional: Post-Separation Parenting
Collaborative Practice Toronto is a community of collaborative professionals working to provide information to families considering a collaborative divorce. We also exist as a resource for legal, family, and financial professionals looking to become involved with collaborative practice. We regularly ask our members to provide our blog readers with expert answers to common questions we receive about collaborative practice.
This week, Stella Kavoukian kindly answered a question about how a collaborative divorce might help make parenting after a separation a little easier on you, your co-parent, and your children.
Q: How does the collaborative legal approach affect parenting after a separation?
Good co-parenting requires that you be able to communicate effectively and be able to express and hear the issues and concerns that each of you raise regarding your children. This is an on-going process as you evaluate how your child is managing with the many changes that he or she is experiencing. It requires honesty, self-reflection and sensitivity to one another, as well as an ability to be flexible in your thoughts and actions.
Making a Parenting Plan
Family Professionals may vary slightly in their approaches, but in general, they will initially meet with parents individually. They will want to discuss your marital and personal history as well as your current situation and goals for the process. Potential areas of concern will be identified before they arise. This may relate to your communication style or specific areas that you would like addressed. Joint sessions between parents, where appropriate, are encouraged as a way of promoting better communication. Meeting your children may be important, depending on circumstances.
If requested, a Family Professional can help you form a Parenting Plan. This is a detailed document outlining the weekly schedule for your children, their holiday plans, medical and counseling appointments and other important items addressed that will be agreed upon between yourselves. This document will be useful to you and your children, as it will decrease the potential for conflict by establishing that important routines will be set in place. This helps allay the anxiety and uncertainty that all children feel when parents separate.
The Parenting Plan should be seen as a fluid document so that as your children grow and develop, you will address their needs accordingly and modify the Plan. The process of finalizing a Parenting Plan will be as important as the end result. This process requires that you think outside your comfort zone and talk about sensitive issues that may be critical to your children’s stability. Ultimately, it will potentially provide you with a platform to discuss your children on an on-going basis. The collaborative legal approach will support you and your children as you move through this challenging process.
Your children will manage better when they see you working together
The collaborative process will offer you the opportunity to openly address your concerns and to express your core beliefs and values in a safe and supportive environment. By providing the strategies necessary to ensure successful co-parenting, the collaborative approach will support you to develop and maintain healthy relationships with your children.
After your formal process has ended, you might choose to use the professionals that you have worked with as future resources for guidance and direction as issues arise.
Stella Kavoukian MSW, RSW
Family Professional
Connections Child & Family Counselling
Get to know all of our collaborative professionals in our members’ directory. If you would like to learn more about collaborative practice, please visit What is Collaborative Practice?
